Unreliable memoirs from a semi-retarded bass player
CUD are now dwelling in a sweat-soaked cellar in Leeds, rehearsing in utmost secrecy for our impending dates. (Did I mention CUD are touring in June?) But first we face the dilemma of what to play. Some wag suggested we play songs made famous by 90s indie turn CUD. But with such a raft of hits to choose from, slimming the setlist down to 55 minutes (Musicians’ Union 2012 regulation length) seems an impossible task.
We considered themes:
1. Instrumental versions. This was a popular choice with our singer Carl, who intended to sit out the set on a stool describing the lyrics in sign language. (You should see his mime ‘Purple Love Balloon’.)
2. A classic album played backwards. We tried learning the songs backwards but were unable to find a reverse button on our CD player. Plus we were concerned about delivering Satanic massages.
3. Acapella. This was a popular choice with all of the band but our singer Carl. The band intended to sit out the set on a stool describing the music in sign language.
4. A jazz odyssey.
You may be disappointed to know that none of these suggestions were agreed. Instead we will be playing songs made famous by 90s indie turn CUD.
Of course, now arthritis has set in, we can no longer play our fast songs and even have to miss out every other note in our slow songs. The benefit of this is longer sets (subject to Musicians’ Union 2012 setlist regulation length) from fewer songs. The set is likely to include several long pauses too, as we try to remember who we are and what we are doing onstage with these strangely dressed people.
An unpopular idea I suggested was playing medleys. Think CUD mashed with Jive Bunny. By stringing together several of our best tunes in one unstoppable train, we could play all our hits and Mike wouldn’t have to relearn all his guitar solos. And we wouldn’t have to listen to them. But when we tried this, we discovered that all our songs were the same speed, in the same key (C sharp minor seventh, since you ask) and even had the same words, so no one could tell when one ended and another began.
Every member of the band has a favourite song they insist on playing. We usually play this regardless of what the other members are playing. And that’s how democracy works. My favourite is ‘Robinson Crusoe’ because this is the one I can remember. At least I think that’s what it’s called.
As to the actual set list for June (Did I mention CUD are touring in June?), thanks to the fad that is social networking, bands no longer have to make decisions. We put it out to our Twitter/Facebook stalkers to see what songs they would like to hear. All three of them chose their top song and it is this song that we are going to play in June.
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